I recently had the very unfortunate experience of attending the funeral of my 18-year-old goddaughter who died in a car accident.  According to the Chicago Tribune article about it, a cell phone with an unfinished text message was found in her lap, so the thought was that the accident may have occurred because she was texting while driving.

I think (or at least, I hope) that we all know that texting while driving is an incredibly bad idea that not only puts the texter at an unnecessary high-level risk, but also anyone else in the vicinity.  It simply shouldn’t be done. Period.

However, what struck me and saddened me when reading the on-line comments about the article was the extent to which people so carelessly made comments castigating her.  She had lived on this earth for 18 years, but in the media it was as if the only thing that mattered and that she left as the legacy of her all-too-short life was the decision she may have made in the last few seconds of it.  People carelessly commented on how stupid and thoughtless it was for her to have texted while driving.  How many comments do we need about it before we get the message that people thought it was not an ok thing to do?  The effect was akin to a dog pile.  The comments just went on and on and were so negative.  You’d think she was the first person who ever (possibly) texted while driving.

Among other things, this was someone’s daughter, sister, grandchild, niece, cousin, friend, schoolmate, student, and goddaughter. She had a brilliant smile, a very soft spot for animals, loved her family and also struggled with lifelong issues.  She wasn’t just her final possible decision.  On-line posters should remember that while their point may have some measure of validity, and they are certainly entitled to their opinion, that is not a license to be unkind.  The posts are there for anyone to see, including her grieving friends and family.  It costs us nothing whatsoever to make cogent comments in a kind way, and to refrain from doing so once we see that there are already many that have voiced our view.  I can think of no legitimate, productive reason for vitriol, negativity and unkindness at such a time.

I think on-line comment posting is a tremendous tool in a vibrant democracy.  It gives us a much easier way to provide public comment on issues of interest.  But, with that, I believe, comes responsibility.  Being firm in your opinion does not mean you cannot be kind and compassionate.  Refraining from piling on once your position has already been posted by someone else does not add to the discourse.  It simply reflects that the poster is more interested in being seen and heard than in adding anything new or more insightful to a productive dialogue.

I think that for on-line posting to be most productive and effective, which it certainly can be, each of us should do our posting in a kind and thoughtful way.

I’ll leave the incredibly racist posting that showed up for another blog entry.